when i feel his pleasure.

I know that it's been a while, but since I've been here in Jerusalem, I have felt my ability to write is squelched. I'll sit down on my bed when everyone else is off in class or exploring the city or doing homework in the library, and i'll try to squeeze my thoughts onto the lined pages that lay in front of me. I've been trying to write a story for the past month and a half about a fatal disease that takes over my body and mind, I have all the words and images in my head and I can say it out loud, but for some reason my pencil stops after two short, unexciting or inspiring sentences. It's been amazing and so sad to me to feel my emotions and hear my thoughts run about inside of me, but not be able to splat them onto a page.
But then today I was shown (or reminded, really) of something that I have learned these past few years of college.
Some of the girls here at JUC were sitting in the living room of the Hereford's drinking chai that Abbey had made us. It was warming our stomachs and minds and relaxing our emotions as we began to talk of body image and the struggles that every woman in some way or form faces. Then Abbey made a reference to that scene in Chariots of Fire where Eric Little exclaims that when he runs he feels God's pleasure. As a Christian Education major at Cedarville University I have heard about this scene over and over again. It seems to be the Youth Ministry professors' favorite illustration to inspire students to find that thing that when they do it they feel God's pleasure. Honestly, I've gotten quite sick of it over the past two years and think, "Seriously, you can't think of anything better than that?" Well, when Abbey made reference to it this morning the question finally hit me. "What is that thing that I feel as if I am filled with God's glory and delight when I am participating in it?" Then without another effort of a thought it popped into my heart. Writing and Speaking. I was made to tell a story. To be a comfort to those who are going through afflictions that I have once gone through and the Holy Spirit helped comfort and heal me (2 Corinthians 1:4), and I can help explain the pain that little girl is feeling when she tries to scream out "Abba! Father!"
This morning I was reminded of the gifts that my Abba gave me and that the best way for me to use them is when I'm surrounded by these beautiful creatures that he made who help cultivate these thoughts in my head. I was trying so hard to write and say things that I knew needed to be said, but since I am removed from my family of people who daily challenge and inspire me, I am not able to say anything of worth. But now I am building a new family, even if it is just for two more months until I have to start it all over again. I need it. It reminds me of some of my favorite verses in Psalm 63, and just like my soul longs and thirsts for God as in a dry and weary land, my soul longs for community, as well. It's what I was created for.