rejection from a stranger.

About a week ago I got bored and curious, kind of a dangerous combination, and I became a member of e-Harmony with a month's subscription. Now I'm wondering why I spent money (money that I don't have) on something like an online dating site.

I felt silly being on the site, but maybe even more, I felt hopeful. I know that I am capable of meeting guys in real life and I'm not desperate and I really don't care to have a boyfriend right now. I mean, it'd be nice, but I'm content going into the unknown by myself. Or really, just with God.

They matched me with a bunch of different guys who sounded quality and a few of them stuck out. But there was this one guy, Matthew, who really stuck out. He wasn't overly attractive or anything, but he just seemed great and really loved the Lord whole-heartedly. I felt completely ridiculous when my heart kind of skipped a beat when he asked to communicate with me. So I responded and it was a whirlwind romance. I mean, technically, we never talked, which seems strange that I'd become so attached to him. But I guess that's just something that we girls do, huh? I have heard rumors that guys do it, too, but girls are definitely guilty. We know the surface of a guy and we create a complete personality and life for them before we ever actually know them or their heart.

Well, I started to get anxious because Matty and I had gotten pretty far in the communication process on e-Harmony...We were on step three of four. Yeah, I know. HUGE. I sent him some pretty thought provoking, awesome questions, but it took him three days to respond. On that dreaded third day I received communication from my loved one. "Matthew has 'closed' communication." Why, you ask? Good question, I asked the same thing. His reason, chosen out of a list prewritten for him was, "I didn't feel the chemistry was there."

Really, Matthew, really? Ya big jerk. No chemistry? Seriously? I'm loaded with chemistry and I'm about with shove it up your.... Yes, this was my reaction. I kind of felt like he had kneed me in the gut. Ouch, Matt, ya cut me deep, man.

I found it quite peculiar that I felt like this guy, who I never actually talked to, had just broken up with me. Come on, Teresa, it's not like you were dating him or anything...But I kind of felt like I was.
I did think that there was chemistry (what chemistry is, I'm not completely sure, but believe me, it was there), and I had already begun to imagine our future in Staten Island with a few Italian looking kids who had their dad's same New york accent (yeah, I'm not sure if he even had an accent).
Poor, Matthew. The guy didn't even know what he did to me. Silly me, letting my boundaries go again.

I do have to say, though, that I'm very thankful that his reason for dumping me wasn't "other." That's the default, "You're ugly, but it's not an option on this list." So thanks, Matt, for giving me that, at least. And sorry, Matt, for assuming I knew you. But even more, sorry, self, for being a spaz.